No Apology Necessary
by Shirley Jean
Summary: ...Johnny jumped up, and darted backward, knocking the chair over… he recoiled as his eyes darted around, until his back was against the wall. Pitiful screams escaped from the dark haired paramedic as the hallucinations took over, filling him with terror. Roy tried to restrain his best friend, to keep him from hurting himself, as he yelled for a doctor's help...


"Charging…one, two, three…GO!"

Roy's words rang out as Johnny hit the patient with the paddles.

Nothing.

He dropped the paddles recklessly and began CPR again. They had shocked their patient three times, and had administered the drugs ordered by Rampart, but nothing was bringing the overdose victim back. Working was made more difficult by the hysterical, strung out roommates that were yelling obscenities and hanging all over the paramedics as they tried to work. Captain Stanley and Officer Vince Howard did the best they could to keep the scene clear, but the scene was pure chaos. "Ambulance is here, John." Captain Stanley knew, along with the weary paramedics, that the trip to Rampart General was to be mere formality. Lifesaving measures were futile at this point.

John Gage never gave in to the enemy of death very easily, and continued to fight for the young victim that was a hapless victim of a reckless death all too soon. Roy continued his communication with Rampart as John kept at futile life saving measures. Roy folded up the bio-phone, and placed a hand on John's shoulder as they loaded their victim on the gurney, Johnny stopping only long enough to allow them to secure the young man. Another strung out Junkie, watching the scene unfold, began to yell at the dark haired paramedic, trying to follow him into the back of the ambulance. Vince grabbed him by the arm, but it didn't stop the threats.

"Hey man…why are you lettin' 'im die? Don't stop! Why are you stoppin'! I swear if you let him die, you'll pay for it, man…"

E*E*E*E*E

The gurney burst through the emergency room doors, with Johnny on the rails, once again doing CPR.

"Room 3." Dixie escorted the hurried entourage into the room. The ambulance attendant caught the eye of Dr. Brackett, and shook his head. Dr. Brackett cast his eyes on the determined paramedic, whose uniform was drenched with sweat. He was beyond exhausted from fighting to save the young man.

"How long has he been down?" Johnny's intensity kept him from answering the doctor. Dixie and Kel exchanged a worried glance. The ambulance attendant interjected.

"About 38 minutes." Kel Brackett applied his stethoscope to different places. Dixie grabbed the paddles, and began charging. Kel grabbed them.

"CLEAR!" The young man's body arched, the screen showing no signs of life. Johnny began to resume his CPR. Dr. Brackett applied the paddles again. The screen showed a flatline.

"John, it's time to call it. He's been down too long. Johnny, You've done all you can. Time of death…"

Dr. Brackett looked at Dixie, who stepped up and took hold of Johnny's arm. Realization smacked Johnny in the face as he looked around the room. He stepped off the gurney and staggered, Dr. Brackett and Dixie both stepping up to steady him. Kel reached behind him and grabbed the stool and pulled it up behind John, setting him onto it.

"You all right, John?" Johnny dropped his head into his hands, unable to control the shaking of his body. Doctor Brackett knelt down near the shocky paramedic as Dixie stepped out of the room, hoping to find the one person that could help him. As luck would have it, Roy DeSoto was rounding the corner, and saw the worried expression on Nurse McCall's face. A tilt of her head told Roy all he needed to know. He knew how his partner would be taking this lost battle. He slipped into the treatment room. A few minutes later, Kel Brackett joined Dixie at the nurses' station.

"How's it going in there?" A twitch at the corner of Kel's mouth and a deep sigh was her answer.

"Roy's going to take him to the cafeteria and make sure he eats something. I'd like him to stick around for a bit, but you know John." Dixie nodded. She certainly did.

A Weary and shaky John Gage was lead out of the treatment room with his partner's hand on his shoulder. A skittish and jumpy teenager, slipped un-noticed into the same treatment room. A few moments later, He left quickly and went in search of the paramedics with great haste.

E*E*E*E*E

Roy set the tuna sandwich and a glass of milk in front of his best friend. Johnny sat with his head resting on his hand, fighting a doozy of a headache.

"You'd probably feel better if you ate something." He held out his hand, and Johnny reached out, taking the aspirin tablets from his friend. He took them with a swig of his milk.

"Thanks, Pally." Johnny gave his friend a half smile.

"Want some coffee? Pie? " Roy looked hopefully at his friend. Johnny shook his head.

"Naw, I'm good."

Roy had got up and went to the coffee station when it happened.

The distraught teenager found his mark. He reached in his pocket, and opened a small packet, hid it in the palm of his hand, and headed for Johnny.

"YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!" A startled Johnny looked up and immediately recognized the boy from the scene of his last run – where he lost his last patient. He stood up, bracing himself on the chair for what might be coming. Roy forgot about his coffee, and headed back in a hurry. The teenager stopped short at the table, and knowing he had created a diversion, and quickly swept his hand over Johnny's beverage. No one was the wiser as he dropped the contents from his hand into John's milk.

"I'm really sorry, man. Really I am. My partner and I, we did all we could…I-I'm sorry…" Johnny broke his gaze and looked down. The young man stepped up into John's face. The stench of his unbathed body, and lack of dental hygiene made Johnny want to gag.

"Not half as sorry as you're gonna be, redskin…" Roy stepped up and got between the men. The teenager looked at Roy, and turned on his heel and stormed off. Roy turned to his partner as he sank back into his chair, and picked up his milk with a shaky hand and gulped.

"You okay?" John silently nodded, and swiped his tired face with his hand. A few minutes later, that same hand looked foreign to him as he moved it, leaving streaks of psychedelic remnants of color and vibrations...he looked at Roy's face, with its' distorted features, and the voices that echoed and reverberated from every direction. He was sweating profusely, and his heart was pounding at a rate that couldn't be counted. Roy reached out to touch his arm, suddenly worried. It felt like a hot poker piercing Johnny's skin.

"Johnny, what is it? What's wrong?" Johnny jumped up, and darted backward, knocking the chair over… he recoiled as his eyes darted around, until his back was against the wall. Pitiful screams escaped from the dark haired paramedic as the hallucinations took over, filling him with terror. Roy tried to restrain his best friend, to keep him from hurting himself, as he yelled for a doctor's help. Doctors and nurses ran to aide, but Kel Brackett and Joe Early pushed forward.

"God, Roy, what happened?" Joe Early asked as he helped Kel examine Johnny. It took several of them to try to restrain him.

"I-I don't know…That kid…he must have slipped him something…drugged him." A normally composed Roy was distraught. All at once, a struggling Johnny, ceased movement. Kel yelled what they all feared.

"He's not breathing…I'm not getting a pulse… CARDIAC ARREST!" Johnny's shirt was ripped open, and Roy started CPR. The Crash Cart was produced, and Johnny was patched in, and the paddles were charged and placed. As Johnny's body arched off the floor, Roy jumped; the gravity of the situation sinking in.

"We got him back. Get that gurney over here. Come on – move it!" Brackett began spouting orders, but Roy heard none of it. He just stood alongside his partner. He felt the the roar in his ears, and his vision begin to cloud. _Not here; not now. he had to be aware, to be in control_.

"Don't touch that!" Someone yelled. Roy looked at the table to see their untouched food. Joe Early had the presence of mind to pick up the glass with what was left of Johnny's milk to take it to the lab.

E*E*E*E*E

"Come on Roy, we've got him. Roy, let go." Roy looked up into Joe Early's face, and back at his white knuckled grip on Johnny's forearm. The shrill sound of the heart monitor kept buzzing in his head. _Way too fast,_ he thought. He released John's arm. Dixie stepped up and slipped her hand into Roy's.

"Come on. I could use a cup of coffee." She led Roy out of the room, into the sanctuary of the lounge.

"The station…I have to call…" Roy dropped his head in his hands. Dixie patted his arm.

"Let me. Be right back." A relieved sigh escaped from Roy. Dixie slipped from the room. The solitude was a welcome relief.

E*E*E*E*E

Roy dragged a shaky hand down his face as he eyed the clock on the wall. Forty-five minutes had passed since he entered the lounge. He was tired of sitting, of drinking stale coffee; of worrying. It had also been twenty minutes since two officers he didn't know had been in to question him. They wanted a full statement, and he was in no mood to oblige them; they were quite rude and dis-interested. Why couldn't it have been Vince, or Pete and Jim? He firmly said as much as his worry for his best friend took over his thoughts. He asked them to return later, or volunteered to call his friend at the precinct when Johnny was out of the woods. They merely huffed at him and left, once again leaving him alone with his fears and gnawing feeling of something bad that was happening in his gut. The door opened, producing the doctors, and hopefully the answers he was waiting for. Roy stood up, but Dr. Brackett signaled him to sit.

"How is he, Doc?" Joe and Kel joined him at the table.

"Well, Johnny is stable, at least for the moment." Roy released the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Kel continued.

"Johnny was definitely exposed to a massive overdose of Phencyclidine, or PCP or better known as Angel Dust. The massive dose caused the cardiac arrest, and then he experienced two seizures…" The doctors looked at each other. Roy looked at both of them. He knew there was more.

"I have ordered a CAT scan, Roy. I just want to be safe, you know. With the seizures, I want to make sure there wasn't any…" Joe let his words fade away.

"B-brain damage." Roy whispered what the doctor was hesitant to say. He felt sick. Johnny with brain damage. It took a few minutes before anyone could speak. Roy tried to clear the lump from his throat.

"What level of damage?" Joe looked over at Kel Brackett.

"Difficult to know until he wakes up. May not be any at all. You know that we won't know anything until John wakes up. We just need to be prepared. Hope for the best. Johnny always lands on his feet, Roy."Kel patted Roy's arm.

"I'll have Dix take you up to see him."

Roy nodded sadly. His heart ached for his brother.

E*E*E*E*E

Everything hurt. Pain was the first thing Johnny was aware of before anything else could register. It was a deep, dull ache that seemed to emanate from every part of his body, but most especially from his head. Whatever explosion he had been in, or whoever had beaten him up had really done a thorough job of it this time. He felt like he had been blown up – twice.

Trying to go back to sleep seemed like a great idea. Johnny seemed ready to yield to the pull to oblivion when someone shook him by the shoulder, releasing new waves of pain throughout his body.

"Unnnh…" Johnny groaned. Another gentle shake jarred his body.

"Mmmnnn. Ssssstttoopp." Johnny muttered to whomever it was that was trying to wake him, as he tried to turn away. The soft, gentle voice was quite persuasive.

"Sorry, can't do that. You need to wake up for me." Roy apologized softly, and gently shook his friends' shoulder once again to perform another neuro check. Roy had breathed a sigh of relief when Johnny's second CAT scan, which had been performed at 2 A.M., had thankfully shown no signs of brain damage. The night nurses had given up trying to chase Roy away from Johnny's bedside.

As awareness began to return, a look of panic crossed Johnny's face. His eyes flew open and he feebly struggled against Roy, and with the memory that led him to be where he was.

"Easy, partner. Calm down. Lie still. You okay?" Roy talked to his friend, not sure if he was getting through when he saw Johnny's eyes darting around in increasing panic, his breathing quickening and uneven. Johnny seemed to relax when his eyes found Roy's.

"Johnny, you with me?" Roy did his best to keep his tone level, trying to keep his anxiety at bay, when all John did was stare at him with pleading eyes. Roy's thoughts were spinning in a thousand frightening directions . He reached for the call button. A groggy voice reached his ears.

"R-rroy?" A small smile began to spread on Roy's tired face.

"Hey, Pally. How ya feeling?"

"Hurts…" Doctors Early and Brackett filed into the room, and Roy stepped out, affording his best friend some privacy with they examined their patient.

E*E*E*E*E

"Everything checks out okay, Johnny. Your CAT scan came back clear this morning. I don't think you need to worry about any lasting effects. I would like you to have another neuro exam in a few days just to be sure." Kel Brackett crossed his arms as he eyed his young paramedic. Roy came back in to hear Johnny ask his next question.

"So, I can go home?" Kel straightened, looking at the others in the room.

"Johnny, we almost lost you yesterday…I would feel better if you would give us another day…"

"Junior, are you sure you're up to going home?" Roy was trying to be the voice of reason, his tone clearly one of disagreement.

"Look, Roy. I'm sore, I'm beat, but I'm okay. I just want to go home and sleep." Johnny rubbed his temples to sooth the pounding headache behind them. Roy pushed passed the doctors and got near Johnny's bed.

"You need to stay another day!" He stated emphatically.

"Why are you so keen on my staying here?" Johnny inquired of his partner.

"Oh, I don't know…" Roy retorted angrily, "Maybe it was having to watch you after someone slipped you a deadly dose of PCP, or maybe it could be seeing you go into cardiac arrest…oh wait…it might be the two seizures and waiting to find out if my best friend and brother may end up with brain damage!" Roy was practically yelling by now. Roy stormed out of the hospital room with one last look at his brother, leaving Johnny shocked and bewildered, staring at him.

E*E*E*E*E

Roy was halfway down the hall when his anger waned as quickly as it had risen and he stopped in his tracks. He felt badly for going off on his partner and friend. All the worry and stress of the day before had finally caught up to him. Not that it was an excuse, because this was his best friend; his brother. Roy sighed, buried his hands heavily into his pants pockets, and turned back around.

E*E*E*E*E

Johnny was stunned by Roy's outburst. His friend didn't have a temper. The realization of the seriousness of PCP, and his encounter with it had been. He barely remembered what happened in the cafeteria, and he was told how critical it was, and how close he came to permanent damage, even death. It seemed so surreal to him. He could only imagine how the whole thing impacted Roy. Johnny may be the one hurt physically, but Roy was the one impacted emotionally. He understood his best friend's need for space, and was willing to give him what he needed, for now, at least.

E*E*E*E*E

When Roy re-entered his partner's hospital room, he wasn't surprised to find him fully dressed in his uniform pants and a scrub top, as his uniform shirt had been hastily ripped open the previous day to save his life. The reminder made Roy swallow hard.

"Look, Junior, I'm sorry... I…" Johnny raised his hand to stop his friend.

"Roy, no. Please. No apology necessary." He interrupted.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't realize…"

"Johnny, let's just say that yesterday was, well, it didn't go the way either of us planned." Roy interrupted John this time. A crooked smile crept across Johnny's face. Roy rocked sheepishly on his heels.

"So…you ready to get out of this place?" Both men were smiling now.

"Definitely!"

END


End file.
